Following Anyway

This weekend, I attended a women’s conference featuring Brenda Gatlin, a pastor from the Duluth Vineyard. I just have to say…she was refreshing and delightful and spoke straight from her heart to the hearts of the women who were there.

On Friday night, Brenda used her own story through the lens of Peter as a model for discipleship. Her vulnerability was so welcoming, and immediately helped her connect as she shared her failures and shortcomings. She reminded us that if we press into God, we are transformed into people who are safer, more useable and more humble. When she said “You make a pretty good leader when you are broken”…I knew she was dead on.

As a woman that has seen her share of heartache and personal crisis, I was totally tracking with her. In the midst of my pain and struggles, I have pressed in close to the Father hoping to not get bitter, but to be transformed.

Sometimes I don’t do so well at that…but God has been good to me!

Because of my experiences, I know that I am safer, more trustworthy, and more compassionate and empathetic. I am not near as apt to judge, but to listen and try to point people to the source where I have received healing and transformation. It is embarrassing to think about the years I spent judging everyone who didn’t do things the way I did, our who had different circumstances. The truth is, I have done those very things things - sometimes things I could never have fathomed I would ever do. And while I don’t cherish the fact that I am so weak, I do appreciate what is has allowed me to feel for others.

On a side note, I think this is the great tragedy of the suburban, affluent church that sustains itself on the positive, feel-good messages we often see on Christian television. We lack compassion and empathy for the struggles that others experience when we feel entitled as Christians. Or worse, we assume they are somehow responsible for their misfortunes and add guilt to their portfolio of grief. (I am thinking specifically about Pat Robertson’s recent diatribe surrounding the Haiti disaster). Then, we politicize and theologize our positions…and break God’s heart.

One of the most powerful things Brenda said was when she reminded us that God knew all along that Peter would be a screw up. He knew there would be unrestrained zeal and denials…and he chose him anyway. God sees forward to what we will become as we are transformed. He see past our failures into our preferred future and how we will be useful because of who we are becoming.

Now, the trick is to learn to see ourselves the way God does and stop disqualifying ourselves. We are often the ones who take ourselves out of the game…not him. He is the one cheering us along to the finish line!

Can’t you just hear Jesus saying the same thing to you?

Follow me…even though you will mess us up.

Follow me…even though I know you will be a failure as a disciple.

Follow me…even though you won’t follow very well.

Follow me…even when you feel unworthy and full of shame.

Follow me...because I am at work in you to will and to act according to my good purpose. (Phil 2:13)