A Name Change

When I got married at 19, I was happy to take my husband’s name. In fact, it never crossed my mind…not once...that I wouldn’t become a Hoover. It is what I wanted, after all.  It was an outward and very public act of declaring that I was attached to another. I mean, the ultimate act of getting entangled in another’s life would be to legally change the most foundational of things about you…your name.

So why??? Why now am I considering changing back to my maiden name?

In thinking about this subject, I am tempted to write about something profound: why "naming" in patriarchal cultures is all about power, or why it is that only women are asked to give up their names when men aren’t. I could ponder why men and women aren’t, instead, encouraged to cooperate to construct a separate identity once they become connected. That would be way cool - the ultimate act of oneness…something totally new!

But I don’t really want to get into any of that.

When I first divorced, people asked me if I would take my maiden name again and I didn’t even get the question. I married young, so I was a Hoover longer than I was an Alford, after all. Plus, my kids all used the name Hoover.

But – time has passed, circumstances have changed and now...i think...it's time.

Three things have precipitated this decision: my former husband's remarriage, my mother-in-law's death, and becoming re-aquainted with my maiden name!

I have felt a dis-ease with my last name for some time...Hoover just doesn’t fit me anymore. It feels awkward - like wearing a dress that is too tight or shoes that on the wrong feet. I mean, really, the only reason I have this name is that once in my life I was married to a man. And, well...we have not been married for a very, very long time. 

Because I tend to do things very slowly, I have been chewing on this for awhile and first asked my kids how they would feel if I changed my name. No worries there! So I have slowly tested it out. First, I added Alford to my name on my Facebook profile and began to get used to seeing it again. And I have found it is like an old friend. I recently reconnected with an old friend from High School – who only knows me as Alford. And when he calls me by that name, it just seems right.

I wish I could go by Simply Elizabeth Ann and leave it at that. I wish I had a cool and unique enough first name that I didn’t need a string of titles that represent the men in my life to identify me. You know…Cher or Prince or something! But, alas, a last name is necessary. So, I choose to abandon the only last name I have had for 29 years in order to come closer to who I really am today!

I have to admit...its kind of scary! I know it will take some time to adjust and get used to...and the legal part will be a headache. But, here goes...doing another hard thing in order to be true to myself :)

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." - Eleanor Roosevelt