I don't want to die...
Great way to start a blog post, right? Sorry to be so abrupt, but this is where I am - 4:30am and contemplating my stubborn resistance to death.
Death has always been a primary and powerful metaphor for my walk as a believer. I deeply believe that the only way to truly live is to die - to my comfort, my way, my sin, my agenda, my passions, my dreams, my longings, my hopes, my expectations, my ambition, my insecurities, my fears and my preferences. Personal experience testifies that death brings the real me to life!
This week, I went back and re-listened to a talk I heard last year by Cherith Fee-Nordling, who discussed death in the context of becoming heroic leaders. Even months later, I was shocked at the power that came through the computer as I listened and was reminded of this important truth.
Cherith talked about how the Evangelical Church is always trying to rescuscitate itself. We cannot make ourselves pull the plug, no matter what glory might be waiting on the other side. Instead, we cling to the mediocre, the stale, the inadequate and the broken - because it's what we know. But Jesus came to give us our life back.
This week I am wrestling with myself and with G-d. But really what I am doing is prolonging pulling the plug. My struggling, discomfort and anxiety are all a result of me trying to resuscitate myself. I don't want to die. It is painful, true. But mostly, it is just plain scary. To die means things will change - the world will look differntly and I will be challenged to do things I never conceived.
Okay, you see where this is headed? I know what I must do...can someone hand me the plug...?
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2 comments:
This was a provocative post! Dying as a believer is a daily experience in life that I usually fail at. But I still strive to "die." As for your comment about the Evangelical Church, what would it look like if it did indeed have the plug pulled? What needs to die? The structure? The reputation? Status Quo? The gatherings? The...? You got me thinking, that is for sure. I think it is a book called "The Hopeful Skeptic" where the author Nick (of the "Nick and Josh podcast") states that the church should shut the doors for five years and use that money to change the world. Then, reinvent itself. Radical idea I know, but your comment reminded me of that :-)
Kurt,
Thanks for stopping by.
Concerning my comment about the Evangelical Church: Obviously, all of the things you listed should be regularly examined, and discarded, when they are no longer effective in our mission.
But I was thinking less about structure etc., and more about our teaching. I am extremely concerned with our obsession with comfort and how we have theologized our preferences. I actually heard a sermon on TV recently where the well-known preacher was espousing what he called an "anointing of ease". I could not believe what I was hearing. I suppose if it was occasionally, where these tyoes of things are spirnkled into a holistic view of our life with God, that might be one thing. But this is standard fare for millions of believers. It is the food their shephered are feeding them.
Sadly, I fear we are malnourished.
How do you leave out whole sections of scripture that reference suffering, perseverance and death?
Better stop now....could rant about this all day!
"Hopeful Skeptic" is on my to-read list. Thanks for the recommendation.
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