Church On The Patio!

I have often said how much I love the church. And I mean it. I love it in all its shapes, forms and mutations.

And, last night I found church in a most unlikely scenerio.

You might not call it church. We weren't in a church building, no one whipped out their bibles, and we decidedly drank too much wine. But, I think God loved what he saw as we had really great communion and encouragement in the Father.

Six of us gathered on the back patio until 3am talking about books, movies, our future, theology and gender issues :) In this small group, most of us are in our forties and we have lived a lot of life together. This intimacy allowed for some arguing, some conflict, some tears and some prayer.  Sprinkled throughout was the God-talk of people who want to draw close to God and make their lives make sense in his purposes and plans.

Jesus tells us that where two or more are gathered in his name, he will be there.

And he was.

Gender Fundamentalism

When I talk about gender, it is often in the context of the church and my desire that we find a scriptural basis for out ideas. But truly, the church has no corner on error. Check out this post about gender in our culture where Kimberly states that:

Secular culture has a gender fundamentalism as ingrained as the religious kind. The rules about masculinity and femininity that have too often been assumed within American history (or that are currently being dictated from popular movies and books!) seem to me as damaging as any dogma coming from churches.

If you can't read her whole post, be sure to read the discussion about gender portrayal in Twilight. It is so easy to brush this stuff off as irrelevant or extreme. But that thinking only goes to prove the point.

Faith or Fantasy - Hope or Illusion?

Today is the first Sunday of Advent - traditionally focused on the theme of hope. So I thought this would be a good time to write about something I have been thinking about for a few weeks:

What is the difference between faith and fantasy, hope and illusion?

I have been accused of being a blind optimist – of possessing a Polyanna-ish view of life that doesn’t jive with reality. I see it differently. I like to think I live with a godly hope and not simply unbounded optimism. When confronted with impossible looking scenarios I usually have hope  - for justice, reconciliation, repentance, healing, or transformation. I have an unshakable faith in God’s nature, in his goodness and faithfulness.

I also have a faith in his people and in his church. I have a belief that we can be a different kind of people. I don’t believe we possess an unrealistic perfection that has no room for our humanity. Instead, our identity takes into account our weaknesses and sinfulness but is overshadowed by the truth that we are Gods people – and that the truth of the Gospel can actually make a difference in our lives.

This has been severely challenged recently as I have watched people close to me struggle in painful and devastating situations. Families exploding, pastors falling, addictions running rampant – its just too much. One day I was sharing with a friend and, in my frustration, I think I used the word fantasy. Maybe my faith and hope and the way I feel about the church is all just a fantasy. My friend listened graciously and later, he sent me this:

“What is faith but for some unknown reason to believe in what we don’t see”

Needless to say, I needed this perspective - to be reminded that my hope and faith are not rooted in the circumstances of this world.  

The historical church understands my hope and bears witness to a faith that is not seen. To light the candle of hope on this Advent Sunday is to say to the world that there is something more than what we see, something bigger than our circumstances. Faith and hope may look ridiculous or fantastical to others, but they are grounded in the truth of an eternal God and in his goodness, faithfulness and love. Our hope is HUGE  - that God's Kingdom will break in and he will take what is broken in our world and fix it.

Where Do You Get YOUR Ideas About Gender?

A woman is feminine when she______________________.

Masculinity means a man should _____________________.

Now, look at your answers and ask yourself, “Why”? Why do you believe this?

Where do we get our ideas about gender? I often feel the need to stop and define the terms when the topic of masculinity and femininity come up because people are all over the map. Some believe that women and men have clearly defined roles while others believe that there is no real difference between the sexes except maybe a little biology! 

I am somewhere in between and appreciate where both camps are coming from.

Because patriarchy ruled for millennia, male characteristics were the standard by which everything was measured. The (traditionally) feminine was devalued at best and hated at worst. Misogyny ruled even if it was internalized. So to gain power and be taken seriously, some women decided the answer was to shed all constraints that resembled traditional femininity. Equality of the sexes meant that the sexes were the same. As Christians this extreme is unacceptable. I don’t know what the answer is, but I know that men and women cannot be the same. It is clear from scripture that God created us in his image as gendered beings. And if we all become masculine, the world misses out on his image being represented fully.

The other tactic women used to gain power involved elevating the feminine. If the feminine had been de-valued, it made sense to trumpet the feminine. This is what many women’s studies classes are all about. They try to get to the bottom of the female experience – the view of the world as seen by ½ the population. This relies on an essentialist view of gender that  believes that the female perspective is unique. They claim there are female ways of observing, analyzing, knowing and relating that have been overshadowed in literature and history books because men have had the power to name what is valuable. The goal, then, is to uncover what has been covered – to unearth the female point of view and elevating it to the level of masculine. The primary question with this is , "who decides what is essentially feminine?" We still have to acknowledge that gender is mostly a cultural construct and often arbitrary.

I don’t have any answers. But I am becoming obsessed with these questions. 

While I believe that men and women are different, I find little in scripture that goes to define masculinity and femininity. Additionally, I think I am just tired of the church getting in line with our culture and piling on expectations that that are not from God. We have a personal relationship with the creator of our gendered identity and we carry the freeing message of Jesus Christ - if anybody has a chance to get it right, it is us. And, we should certainly be a place where people can be free to really be themselves.

Devaluing the Feminine

Yesterday on the radio I heard some talk-show blowhard talk about the feminization of America. He was talking with such disdain, I could not believe what I was hearing.

Why use the word feminine to describe something he didn't like?

Same song…different verse.

Truth is we still esteem masculinity over femininity in this culture. This is the most subtle and insidious form of misogyny because we don’t often see it. Women as well as men routinely spout off a string of adjectives that they find distasteful; emotional, weak, clingy, needy, irrational. Forget for a minute whether these are even truths about femininity.

The clear message? Feminine=bad, Masculine=good. And, most of us carry around these sexist attitudes in one form or another.

Naomi Wolf talks some about this in “The Beauty Myth”, when she says the perfect body is associated with traditional masculine features; hard, lean, strong. We have systematically been trained to fear anything soft, round, squishy. We fear fat, despise our own bodies and routinely favor masculine over feminine characteristics.

This became obvious to me years ago and I vividly remember when I began to connect the dots in my own heart about this. After years of working with women in the Church I realized I was hearing the same sound bites from women lips; I don’t get along with women, I prefer the company of men, I have never had many women friends, I hate women’s events, women are so_______.

Do we hear what we are saying? “ I don’t like the way God made me as a woman.” “There is something inherently distasteful about the feminine.” Why are we okay with this? Why do we not challenge this in the church? We have the best chance to get it right – to help women and men think rightly about the other and ourselves.

Ohhhhhh…so much to say!

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Vineyard Conference

This week, I am very proud of my tribe.

In a day when it is popular to sound hip talking about alternative methods and forms of church - often outside of denominational constraints - I am proud to say I love the Vineyard.

Being part of a family is messy. We never know how our mom may embarrass us or what jam Uncle Bob may get himself into. But we love them anyway. We are committed and bound to our families because of deep and profound love, our genetics and our history.

I have been a part of the Vineyard since 1990. I was hooked from the moment I attended my first conference in Anaheim, where I heard like-minded, ordinary people get up and talk in a way I understood and deeply appreciated. They were expressing a passion for the church and a desire for authentic spirituality that I craved. I quickly grew to love and identify with this group of people. I have experienced various waves, transitions and even extremes in my years in the Vineyard. But I have always sensed a deep devotion and passion to follow God and a readiness to repent and change courses when necessary.

I don't think I can really ask more of a relationship.

This week, while attending the National Leadership conference, I am reminded of why I am a part of this community...this tribe...this family.

The theme of the week is heroic leadership and the first few talks have stirred me.

Bert Waggoner (National Director) started the week on a strong note, using the story oif Esther to remind us that heroic leaders:

• Have a compelling value of God's people that drives us. He reminded us that building the church is good and right and worth it.
  
• Take risks. He encouraged us to free ourselves from what powerfully holds us back and to live our lives for an audience of one
• Are captured by sacrificial love that allows us to say, "If I perish, I perish". This love only comes from the experience of love.
  

Cheryth Fee Nordling gave a powerful talk which focused on the fact that this will kill us! There was way too much to share here, but a few things include:

• We are children of the resurrection and as his image bearers, we are to enact justice
• She challenged our entitlement mentality that is choking the American church
  
• We must stop side-stepping death and trying to resuscitate ourselves
• Do we treat our relationship with Jesus as a friend with benefits?

And last night Don Williams reminded us that we must stay on course with Jesus' agenda for ministry which starts with receiving power from the Holy Spirit.

I can't wait to see what the rest of the week holds.

Last of the JAM favorites

Okay, so JAM was officially over yesterday. But I couldn't let this time go by without sharing two of my absolute favorites with you.

Charlie Parker and Coleman Hawkins - 1950





Do yourself a favor...turn the volume up, close your eyes, and enjoy Miles Davis and John Coltrane.

Beautiful!